Of lately the word “betrayal” has been floating around in my head, I know that might sound really weird but that’s how my brain works. The idea was first sparked from watching the last episode of Scandal (which if you haven’t watched you REALLY should). In that episode one of the characters is having a very hard time dealing with betrayal and even though the person that has betrayed him has apologized and is trying to make it better he just can’t get past it. Something about that moment struck a big chord with me and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. The more I let the word bounce around in my head the more and more sad I became. This week I’ve been feeling a bit like an emotional wreck and I can’t understand why so what have decided to do? Come to my blog and talk about it of course.
I have a few people in my life who I associate with the word “betrayal”. First I want to talk about just the word alone though, the definition says “to be false or disloyal” but the interesting thing is that we all have different levels of what we consider “betrayal” or being “disloyal” and that usually is where the problem lies. How my actions effects each person in my life is completely different which is why it is very easy to not understand why or how you’ve hurt someone or how they’ve hurt you. The people who have betrayed me if they were to be asked what they think they’ve done or if anything at all, their answer more than likely wouldn’t be the same as mine. But the thing I’m struggling with is how to get over the feeling of betrayal or do you ever?
When a relationship of any kind goes through a traumatic experience and there’s hurt and loss of trust, pain and weariness which ultimately leads to one or both parties feeling betrayed, what can you do to mend that feeling for yourself? I have a very hard time being fake, people think because I’m an actress I can just plaster on a smile and give hugs anytime of the day but that’s not true. If I’m uncomfortable and if I don’t feel safe there’s no faking it. I can’t hide how I feel and it will show in everything I do. I’m that person who’s acting really quiet all of a sudden and I need to leave early, that type of uncomfortable.
But I’ve been asking myself, why do I still have that feeling of betrayal? Why can’t I shake it? I think it’s because I stopped feeling safe. I think that’s what the simple definition of “betrayal” is, the loss of safety. Your secrets, your truths, your jokes, your ideas, your heart, your love, your vulnerability no longer feels safe in the arms of this person. Even when you try to mend the wounds, try to turn a new page and start a new chapter you can’t because you’re different. You’re eyes are open in a way that isn’t good for the relationship, they’re open wider but your walls are higher the lock on the door is tighter and you don’t want to change it.
I’m struggling with the feeling of betrayal because I feel betrayed by people I loved and felt safe with and now I don’t. Will I get over it? Only time will tell but I think thats the only “cure” for betrayal; time. Taking time away, moving on and letting go of the feelings that still hurt you. So tell me, have you dealt with betrayal? Did you get over it? How?
prayer & distance… this is very hard to deal with. Especially for loyal, loving people. For me, my love for people never dies… So I’ve learned to cope by respecting my personal boundaries & accepting my feelings as a form of protection. It’s like a fire; you know when to stop getting closer bc of the heat. Prayer, self-respect & distance. Wishing you peace. 🙂
I really like the fire comparison. It’s really true, your body and your heart protect you when you don’t even realize it. I truly think distance is the answer and focusing on inner peace not spending my time worrying about the why, but rather how will I grow and move past it. Thanks girly! xo
I’m kinda dealing with something like this now too from one of my best friends. It’s been really hard for me but I think like @leonajess said, prayer really helps.
Andrea, I have dealt with betrayl. It’s this funny, elusive, tricky thing, because something that is monumental to you could be no big deal to someone else. But, I’ve been betrayed by several people that I considered best friends and at a point I really thought it was just me, that I was doing something to deserve this. But I eventually realized no. My actions or the way I carry myself have not done damage to anyone where they have the right or should even remotely feel that they want to hurt me the way some of these people did. As I was going through all of this, I cried a lot. I wrote. I kept to myself in order to rationalize and process everything that had happened. I just wanted to see if there was any error in judgement on my part and as I realized there was none I prayed on it and ceased communication. Cutting people off who have done mean things to you is absolutely necessary. Just because I don’t associate with them anymore doesn’t mean I don’t wish the best for them. When I see them around I’m cordial because it’s apart of being a responsible adult, and I keep it moving. I haven’t necessarily let it go, I think of these things and these people from time to time, but I think that’s only natural. You’re not in the wrong for not being able to completely move on. Once that sense of trust and safety is violated, it’s not often that it can be repaired. Never be ashamed to leave something behind that no longer suits you. May it be a person, a place, or things you’ve depended on. Everything works out how it’s supposed to even if it’s not the way you had hoped it would. Hope this helps.
I really believe in that statment, “everything works out how it’s supposed to evene if it’s not the way you had hoped it would.” I’m realizing this more and more, no sense in fighting or worrying, it’s gonna go how it’s gonna go. Thanks for your comment
I have been betrayed as well , it’s a very terrible feeling , words really can’t express how I feel, sometimes myself , really wonder if I will ever get over the feeling of been betrayed .
I’m dealing w/ a debilitating experience of betrayal from two people whom I trusted implicitly and who presented as if they were trustworthy ,..one repeatedly presenting herself as ‘my best friend,’..in a relationship that goes back at least 12 years. My ‘good buddy’ male friend went and ingratiated himself into my group of 3 friends and started making moves on her which she allowed,..all unknown to me,… then they had a ‘special dinner’ for me where the guy told me off on the side oh btw,.. he’s started having a romantic affair with her. Surprise!! 10:30 last Thursday evening. They don’t seem to get why I’m wigged out.
He knew my heart was just wrapped for this woman because I told him she was holding my heart in her hands. (my foolish error I know,..one to allow that and two to tell him)
The whole thing has left me utterly devastated,..and at a complete loss of myself,..something that has never happened to me before. Ever,..even during a four year nightmare divorce. I feel really confused and like I have no one around me I can trust,…the woman involved truly was a best friend,..he pretended he was and has manipulated himself into her bed,..another friend knew and gave me no clue. I am so lost I don’t even know what to do about it? Any advice will be appreciated,..please go easy on the words,..I’m dizzy from confusion. Unfortunately some of these people are next door neighbors. No easy way to separate ourselves.
…but if I wasn’t so knocked over I wouldn’t go to this length.
Wow, I’m really sorry to hear this, that’s terrible. But my advice, even though these are your neighbors is immediately stop hanging out, speaking to or even following these people on social media, at least until your in a better head space. Don’t over think about it as well, as hard it may be to understand this right now, this is a blessing in disguise, and a fast removal of people that were never in your corner in the first place, and I’m sure there are lot of lessons to be learned for you in terms of recognizing bad people. Don’t build up thick walls though because of this, just learn and move on.
Same thing happened to me. Was good friends with this fella telling him I felt about this woman and then he started seeing her. But trying to hide it I began to notice different changes and confronted him and he denied it but later end up I see them out.
I love your response … What if it’s your ex of 27 yrs and you have a son and its fresh and because of our son I have to see her at least once twice a week?? It’s so hard to start new and healthy when I can’t even heal from the hurt ??? Any advice on that?